Few observations

Observation #1
Leadership, at it most fundamental is influence. Hence when you allow yourself to be influence by someone (something), you are one way or another under their leadership. It could be as subtle as heading for AN advice, or screaming together when you don't feel like but the person just did it (AT THE WRONG TIME). Leadership without character is a MENACE. Look at Hitler. Hence the next time you decide to go for advice or even choosing to mix around, perhaps, you wana think through if this person is of sound mind. Sound mind, don't just include intellectual sanity, but having some form of wisdom.

Observation #2
In any case, birds of the same feathers flock together.
Desperate people will cling on to each other.
However, when you are meant to be bird of a different breed, forcing yourself to flock with the rest will only make you stick out like a sore thumb.
And guess what, chances are, your flock with different feathers has already been talking much about you, BEHIND YOUR BACK.

Observation #3
Wisdom and speed often times don't really come hand in hand. Alot of immediate reaction, immediate as in 3seconds after something have happen is simply reflex. Some with deep waters are able to react rationally with poise. Others, simply shoot things of their mouth. And that reflects the amount of junk stored deep within that very empty soul. Actually not so empty, since it's already filled with junk. DUH.

Observation #4
Dealing with the aestheticsof physical apperance is often a dangerous thing. Especially one decide to be so ahead of time. Do it right you are fashion forward, do it wrong you are simply a joke. If karl lagerfeld get in wrong at times. I guess I'll learn to have grace on the few whom I saw recently, making their fashion statement inspired from "Journey to the West".

Observation #5
I am a introvert.
An introspect and a retrospect.
I spend many parts of the day, thinking and evaluating the things I have done. What does that imply? Should I make a boo boo, I will spend many many days cringing over it. Should there be a mistake done, I will spend more than once repenting over it.
And...
chances are you will catch me smiling at myself. =)
coz I am laughing at you.
haha!

Observation #6
My grammar is abysmal
Since my primary school days, despite relatively high English grades, my grammar SUCKS.
The few times when essays get super high marks were the time, when teachers don't mark me on my grammar.
Hence I strongly suspect, my downfall in A levels(or any cambridge exams) could very well be due to my bad grammar.
Yet I recognise that this could be an essential part of God creating me to be uniquely oxymoronic.

I like things to be nice and neat, but have no gift of adminstration to organise them.
I like sports but often too lazy to move
I read fashion mags and checkout runways, but my I prefer to be more understated when it comes to dressing, in layman terms, I am very boring.
I love language and according to my teachers writes pretty well, but my grammar SUCKS.
of coz the list above is not exhaustive but I believe, I made my point. =)

No longer a girl

One of the best gifts I have received for my birthday is a book given by 3 rather important ladies in my life. They each had played a different role in helping me grow, intricately place by God in different phase of my life. I must say that this book has come rather timely =)
Well, nothing to be surprise, since they kinda have known me inside out....perhaps? haha...

19, 20, 21.... more than mere numbers, it just dawn upon me how I am really moving on from adolenence to adulthood. No longer a girl. Gone are the days of crazy screaming...aimlesss splurging on whatnots. I need to start consider carefully my future paths. I have to stop being wilful and playful and start settling down on something. Like how, hammy aptly put in yesterday, " This one too mah fan, that one too difficult, then what you want?"

Holiday had long ended the moment I receive my A level result. The study break right now is a period of preparation before my tiertiary education starts. Today, shirls ask me, "So how? (what are my plans for tiertiary education). My reply was "hmm....stilll thinking...should be SIM.." well she gave some good suggestion which I did thought through before. Well, need a further praying and reading up, before I really decide on it.

Well, that's pretty much the head part, planning and stuff. For the heart part, God really grew me much. From being more gracious to weaning. I begin to enjoy the growing process, while it's not easy having gone through numerous emotional upheaval, disappointments and such. But God never fails to come in at the end of the day to round things up.
If there's one thing I really want to thank God for, it's his grace.
Grace is indeed beautiful.

I am maturing, and I am aware of it, well thankfully.

I had a very heartfelt conversation with small rachel today,
"this person is really very important to you."
"yeah"
"if this person were to leave God one day, what will you do?"
"I willl feel very sad, but I will not leave God, coz God is still real."
"That's good."

On my way back, I recalled a similar conversation with another person some time back. Let's call her A
me: "I'm rather sound minded, and matter of fact, I've come to a point that, should someone close to me, be it a family member were to pass away, as long as materially I am still well provided, I will not be too affected by this person's death."

A: "Ic... reallly? So if it's XXX?

I didn't say anything. I forgot my reply to her.

But deep down my heart, the inner child in me says...
"Don't want. Cannot."

I'm tired...

just a little tired.

I had a long day. Sakae with Gideon, we went through many ministry stuff. Alot of my personal life too. If there's one word he keep using, I would say, it's "Mature". Well at times I don't feel very mature, you got no idea what kind of rubbish goes in my head every now and then....perhaps some closer ones will know. I made so many boo boo to find myself cringing at the end of the day. In a way, I really admire Gideon's dedication in the thing that he does. I am very bless to have him as a leader. He is almost like a father to me. HEHE.

After that, meet up wif Hammy briefly, it's one of those days where I didn't rant or talk much. The thing I like about going out with hammy is that, I can not talk alot. It was a simple shopping trip, from Tangs to Topshop and lastly stopping by wisma's starbucks. I don't know why, but I just enjoy spending time with her. =)


Before my day starts in town, as I was on the bus, I did my usual pondering, and I can't help it but to tell God, "Your grace, amazes me."
Grace.

Grace helps us to not get angry so easily, and not to be so diappointed so easily.

*Do you love me? yea you do. yes i know.

2 persons and a glass of milk

You and me, a glass of milk.
Smiles and warmth while the milk was hot.
Days went by the milk has gone cold
So cold, like your hands and stares.

I thought, my glass of milk could bring you warmth.
You never drank it, but held it in your hands.
Now, it's too late, the milk has gone cold.
Of coz, it's too cold to sour, well just cold.

Finding love...

at all the wrong places.

Pity.

"I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed and
dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody Loves You'"

That was exactly how I feel in the morning. God had drop a note in my heart that he loves me, and that gave me the strength to go through the day.

I had an early morning, going to DEYI to do invitation before their morning assembly. On my way home the bus past by serangoon and I decided to bless Shirls and Hammy with apples. I left them outside their house. Satisfied, I headed home. I took a nap, was woken up by phone vibration, it's Hammy Chong, at first I couldn't recognise her voice, I was very blur. Even though she irritated me with that phone call, I am glad to hear that voice, to know that she is alright. That's hammy, she's never really "nice" to me, aye I take that as a form of endearment. Bickering with her is always fun. I couldn't quite understand this love hate relationship, how we drive each other crazy at times, but I believe, because of this, each one of us, have grown deeper in God's love. Hurs.

Hammy Chong, remember to take care!

Oh..hope that my shepherd is feeling better from her flu, haven been talking to her...hmm....

Jazz it up....

Listening: Micheal Buble - Me and Mrs Jones.

Something about Micheal Buble, so charming. I know Eileen will agree. Ya...something about him... hmmm....

"Me and Mrs ....Mrs Jones....."

Oh and thank God for you tube..... =) *head bobbing* hehs...

Fashion Babylon











Admist hectic schedules, my latest soul treat is "IMOGEN EDWARDS-JONES' Fashion Babylon". Well as much as it's trash read, it's good trash you know? Haha... it gives a insider view into the fashion world through the eyes of a fictional designer. I love the way that, there are so many familar names in the book, and it really intrigues me much, for unlike other fiction where u need to put a face to the characters, this one, actually have got one of it own. Then again, to put a face to characters is definitely a liberty, yet, being me, my characters faces, do change from time to time, duh, i'm not talking about facial expressions here.

How to save a life.

"I would stay up with you all night, had I know how to save a life."

The lost time and lost lives, mistakes so grave, I could not afford to pay.


Tonight, I resoluted that, certain things in life, I need not chase. Perhaps I already own it, just not in a way I thought I would, or would have desired.

Sometimes, it's better to turn yearnings to appreciation. That way, we will become less tired. I stop chasing. It's meaningless...

Oh...if you're wondering, I'm not refering to material things. =)

Nights...

Nights often bring nostlagia, the cool breeze, the quiet surroundings. I walked home tonight with much thoughts. The night was cool, yet tasted a tad bitter, a little like beer. The way, it's cool yet a little bitter, reminds me of hoegaarden, of which it's been long since I last had one. Mum often says that, people drink beer after a whole day of work to cool down their body. I like my beer, chilled. ^^

Tonight, I miss several things.
I miss dad. The times that I can hide behind him when I'm frighten. The times he would drive me to eat supper. The many mornings I would wake him up just to bring me to eat the very delicious porridge. The times that I cry and whine to get my way. I miss his voice too, the way he laugh so heartily, the way he sings, and we would sing together. The way he would hold my hand and we will walk together, his hand always so big and warm....and he is always proud of me...

I miss mugging with abe laboriel on my mp3 at forum macs. I should've picked up that habit earlier. Mugging on it's own, is a very thereapeutic experience...perhaps, like my CT said, it came a little too late...

I miss making hammy chong angry when I misbehave, how she tried so hard to lure me to school. Coz the look on her face is one of a kind. Or shoud I say priceless...

However, as I'm growing up, this are the things that I'm moving on from. They have become has beens and I need to move on to other things. Pursuing new dreams.... I had prayed for a clearer direction and calling....and now, it's time to listen more to the heart...and to Him of coz...

I wonder, how HE looks like, when I make him angry. Does he ever frown at me or clap for me?

Debbie Chong claps for me, and it encourages me.

Expectations

I heard many people tell me different things about expectations. Recently I've grown so much, learn so much in adjusting expectations.
Try adjusting your expectations, and you will be surprise that you become less disappointed. For at the end of the day, who's who to be obligated for who?
Expectation comes from perspective, perspective comes from attitude.

Tonight, I felt misunderstood.
How could it be that I try to give my best, yet receive harsh words and doubts.
How could it be that I give my heart, only to have it left at one side, neglected.

No, I'm not exactly discourage, I'm human too. I have emotions.
But guess what, my cause is much greater than all this.
I could not afford such things.

I have a great night with LC taking crazy pictures. More on my bdae celebration after all is done. =) hehs

Turning Nineteen

Listening: paradise live - assuredly yours



While, 19 is not the kinda milestone age like 18 or 21 or 30, I approach this age with much trembling and fear. I remembered, teasing hammy when she was my shepherd that she is SOOOOOOO OLD....she was 19 then, if she feels the same as I do right now, she prolly felt a tad unjustified. Actually how should a 19year old feel like or even dress like? I'm just making bouts of discovery each day, as I look back at different phases, I find myself beginning to understand chantel more.

Birthday present came extremely early this year. Way before the actual day of the birthday. The giver is none another then my daddy in heaven. Through some of the people who are closest and dearest to me, I learnt a new lesson of LOVE. Of what love entails. Courage, grace, patient, security, unconditional. My maker gave me a part of his heart, and slide in into the hole that was once wounded. Time don't heal wounds, Jesus does. Love doesn't change even as the person change. Love will only grow deeper as understanding grows. A renewed and restored heart, is a heart ready to love. "Love keeps no record of wrongs."

Of coz that is not all, he sent love in a very tangible manner. Thank God for Jon Tay, Kaiwen, Debbie and Gideon for coming all the way to my workplace to give me a surprise AT 12AM++ I really really appreciate it loads. Perhaps, coz I don't really expect it to happen, I am actually very touch by such a gesture.

Thank you for loving me.

And those we had smsed well wishes....

=)

A Lazy afternoon post.

A few changes in plans, I get to stay at home for a lil while , a taste of lazy afternoon. However this is short lived, will be outta the house again. Open RC door for JC dudes, now... should I go to gym after that?

Met up with Gideon this morning, breakfast was on him,
"You like to read right? I have 3chapters on SATIRE to pass to read."
"hmm... yah..."

Haha... btw, SATIRE is a counselling method.

I've been thinking about some stuff lately....
I realise that, even as 2 inviduals where to share a common interest, perhaps taste in music or materials...
it need not imply that they can connect at the same wavelength.

Just an observation.

I get a little tired of political correctedness. I felt as if my free spirit had been shackled.
Now define free spirit?

Eye Candies!

Good morning! Sharing with you guys some eye candies! Whee... Styles I really love....=)

Bar Refaeli =)


Straight from streets of NYC...

Hmmm.... I need to start exchanging fried chicken wings with Granola bar....

and start going to the gym ='(

Mummy's Birthday!

Today, (technically is yesterday), is my MUM's birthday. My sis and I, got her a TIRAMISU birthday cake and Anna Sui's sweet dreams. =) I think she is very happy. hurhur. For past years, we just leave the pressies on the table and go to sleep. There's perhaps a breakthrough this year. We celebrated in the hawker centre! HEHE... I think, for a long time, mummy hadn't blown a candle on a birthday cake, and had so many people say happy birthday to her.

Somehow I'm proud of what I did today. =)

Daddy in heaven, are you smiling?

It's a growing process.

It's a growing process, that's what Gideon sumed up everything that I am going through at the current moment. I'm at a stage, where I am getting in touch with my inner self.

What's next after growing process?, I asked.

"God has a reason for this growing process.... possibly preparing you for something...."

Somehow the whole idea of me, landing in somewhere at the end of this, motivates me to strive on. I'm someone who needs a destination. That's why I find God.

Seriously, I can't club until I die right? HUR HUR....

Good company

Nights out with Eileen Seah is often therapeutic, fun filled and CRAZY.
Yes at the rate we are cabbing home, she can drive me home next time.
Thank God for such a great friend.
So unique, we sighed at the same time, groaned at the same time.....wahahaha....
I am very amuse by this friendship. =)

Conversations with Hammy Chong is often refreshing, the way she is never "polite" with me, yet at the same time, I know that she is speaking in love. I really gotten much from her. Hehs.
=)

Fall 2007 Haute Couture

I've been so busy lately, I so totally neglected my livejournal account. Upon logging in, I'm reminded that Fall 07 haute couture is here...

I've always love Chanel for their clean lines....
however, I know that when it comes to Haute Couture, it's really more about details and being avant-garde

however...

hmmm....

somehow it reminds me of the article on Classified that says, "Lost swan, found with reward"

=.=

And we say that, sometimes, less is more =)

more to come when I get the time to view other shows... off to serious stuff now.

Ever Wondered...

What goes in and outta Chantel's mind every now and then? Let's peek into it....
Here's THE List,

every now then when she's alone, she talk alot to herself you see...

she will be

• redrawing her budget, shocking herself by caculating things like, one set of straits times cost 80cents, 10 days of that will be $8, if she were to spend $2 on transport fee in a day, 10 days would cost a whopping $20, and often times, transport fee does go beyond $2. The food budget always exceed the pre-set amount.
• reminding herself of the list of things to be done, but never done. Things like getting a hair cut, getting new phone, new books, T-shirts from Zara....
• wondering when she can pick up Classical piano, should she fix the current piano or get a new one... questioning herself, if she wants to pick up jazz? dance?
• thinking about theatre, and make silly faces >.<
• going through a whole mental image of different brands of guitar, art and lutherie, simon and patrick or takamine? Below $500, $800 or $1000?
• Phones to get? O2 or Lg shine? or some cheap phone?
• Asethetics? or Economics?

Of coz... this are just the tip of the iceberg...

Seriously, anyone want to catch Dim Sum Dollies with me?????

I must ask Shirls when she comes back >.<

Spiritual Puberty

I meet up with Gideon yesterday to do our usual ministry discussion and update of my life. I shared with him, my struggles and my conflicts.
And his response was that, from my sharing, he can tell i am a "D". haha.
He asked me sharp questions, like, am I able to appreciate the talents that God had given me, and the ministry that he had given me?

There was a part of me that sank, when my music teacher went "awww... please can back soon ya" as I told her I am taking a break from my lessons. Aww... that's what I feel too.

So, as Gideon ask me that question, my answer is without a doubt, yes. I appreciate what God had called me to do at the moment, and I am determine to give him my best. Yet, at the same time, I am confident in God's providence in my life, that as I "delight in him, he will give me the desires of my heart." Afterall ,aint' this desires planted by him?

The bottomline, yes the bottomline is, everything that I do is the to seek to grow his kingdom.

Gideon was being =.=, when he said, haha...so much for going through puberty now at this age.
Diaos.

Spiritual puberty.... hmmm......

I am indeed growing up, now all i need to do is to find out really what is my life vision and calling... so that I can *ahem* I shall not say, or Debbie will smack me *winkz*

Kissing a fool

The song that is running on repeat....




*Loves* =)

Caught up

This I went through, 3cg worships, 1prayer meeting worship. Seems like, I have been having corporate worship almost everyday of the week. The routine will follow again this week, visiting three caregroups.... I am really looking forward to a spiritual retreat on Monday, weekday in Esplanade will always be thereapeutic.

One phrase that really struck me is, "caught up" , during one of the CG worship, should be the grad's girls one. Often time, our heart is simply so caught up with things, things like emotions, memories, materialism, so many thousand and one things. Yet how often are we caught up with God's heartbeat and love? I'm learning too, to be caught with his love, his holiness. To feel overwhelmed by such a huge intensity of Godliness, surely it's a battle against the carnal nature, yet victory in God, often taste so sweet, will be defintely worth the fight.

It's had been a week, of which I felt caught up with some stuff....
Coming I will be caught up with his love.